Angels

I am a woman. I'm sure any married man could confidently attest that my gender in general is a much more moody and emotional one than they. I know, we're hard to deal with, and I am no exception--I've had to cope with this pain-in-the-rear hormone thing since puberty!

(27 doesn't seem so terrible after looking at this! Yes that's me, back in yester-year...in all my metal-mouthed glory. )

But somehow since having my baby last May (or really, since getting pregnant for that matter!), I feel like it's been an especially wild rollercoaster. And since December, as I've wrestled to tame my new weeping/fuming/flustered inner beast on steriods, I've wondered why on earth each day seems like such a massive trial and what, for heaven's sake, is wrong with me!

Well, I've recognized for a while that I've needed to address this, but I should've been humble enough to actually ask for help too. I didn't. I guess I figure that I'll get over the hard times on my own, or if I just ignore them, eventually they'll disappear. Thankfully over the past several weeks, a loving Heavenly Father who knows better than I sent angels to help me heal.

Russell, who's gone through this with me from the beginning, was my first angel.

As I mentioned a few days ago, mid-February he decided to stop nursing (much to my dismay). At first I felt this was a small tragedy, but now I can clearly see the benefits that came from his choice. I feel like I can do SO much more than I've been able to do since he was born! Some blessings come in interesting ways.

Aubree was next.

Typical me--I procrastinated my visiting teaching responsibilities for February until the last minute. I called my companion, Aubree, on the phone on the last Sunday of the month. "Let's quickly deliver a treat and some written thoughts to each of the girls," I suggested. She agreed.

At 7:00 that night, we left together to deliver our goodies, imagining that our visits would take a total of 30-45 minutes. They really took three hours.

As we visited with three different women that evening, I felt so grateful for those three unexpected hours. It was such a big boost just to visit those gals. When I drove Aubree back to her home that night, I was surprized again as she talked with me in my car for a while to ask how I was doing (it was 10:30 by then!). From day one in my new ward, she has always been the gal who has reached out and been interested in my well-being. It has made all the difference to me over-and-over again. And I may have needed my sweet friend on that night most of all.

A few days later came Brooke.

Life got busy and she and I hadn't contacted each other in over six months. Two weeks ago, she surprized me with a phone call and asked if she could come visit and share a belated birthday treat with me. When she arrived, I told her what a fun surprize her visit was and she responded, "I had to come over. I just kept thinking about you!" At first our conversation was casual, but it deepened over time and soon we discovered that she had recently overcome trials similar to what I'm going through. It felt so good to talk to someone whom I felt understood and who could give me some suggestions on how to get feeling better.

In the past two weeks alone, a small army of friends and family checked up on me more than in the usual way: Eric and Alison. MariLouise. Grandma. The Andersons. Bonnie. Larz. Mom.

After these amazing weeks, some things are the same. I can tell that my body is still healing. I'm sure that will take time, patience and discipline and probably a chat or two with a doctor.

A lot is different though! I now have a will to keep-a-chugging along that is super-fueled! I feel purpose and love and am humbled beyond words at how much I've been given. Life can be so bitter-sweet.